her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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