Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
