It was confusing and full of hummus
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
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don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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