Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
