I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
