Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
