the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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