My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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