My sheets look like a crime scene.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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