highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
