Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
