12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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