Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
