Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
