we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
