My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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