He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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