do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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