Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
