So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
