So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
