This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
