he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
