The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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