Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
