I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
