There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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