How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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