you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
