Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
