I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
