did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
