There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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