After last night, I could never be a politician.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
