3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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