I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
