He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
