I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
