forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize