I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
