You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
