Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let's get the cat blown out
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
