I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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