yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
