You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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