you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
