he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
