Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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