i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
