So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
