Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
