Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
