Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
