wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
