glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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