You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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