I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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