Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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