I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
