i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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