Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
