the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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