You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Someone signed my nipple.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
