hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
