I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
