So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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