i can't believe i had my finger in that
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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