we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
