Your face is a jimmy john
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
