She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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