Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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