I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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