So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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